Completely Clueless
by tryanforever91
Summary: Ryan, complete airhead of the Drama club, meets Jason, lunkhead basketball man. An unlikely couple? You have NO IDEA! Slash/Oneshot


Hey everyone!

Okay, so I had this idea in my head for a while, but I got a sudden burst of inspiration at 2:30AM last night, and i was able to finally jot this down in my notebook. I've always thought Ryan and Jason would make an adorable couple. I've also always thought that the two are completely braindead sometimes. Match made in heaven? Totally!

**Warning:** This story is slash, that means boy/boy. You've been warned, haters begone!

So yeah, I hope you guys enjoy this random little oneshot, Completely Clueless!

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**Completely Clueless  
**Written by tryanforever91

The brightness level in Jason's vision went up a few notches as flamboyantly dressed Ryan sauntered past. He threw a cheeky grin at the raven-haired boy.

"Hey Jason," he said, in what _could _have been a seductive voice. Jason raised a hand and waved his fingers.

"Hey…" he said distantly. Jason hung suspended in motion as he watched Ryan continue his path away from him. When the blond disappeared into a classroom, Jason turned around only to walk into a horrified looking Troy.

"Dude, what was _that?_" he exclaimed loudly. Jason blinked his eyes, looking genuinely confused.

"I think it was Ryan," he replied.

Troy eyed his friend weirdly, wondering if he was joking. The seriousness on Jason's face refuted the notion, so Troy spoke again.

"Do you have any idea what Ryan just did?"

"Um…" Jason said thoughtfully. "Well, let's see…" Troy stared expectantly at Jason. He could almost see the hamster wheel spinning in Jason's head as he screwed his face up in concentration.

"He walked by… and said hi." Jason's eyes lit up, and Troy was glad to see it finally clicked. "Hey!" Jason said. "That rhymes!"

Jason laughed and smiled triumphantly as Troy slapped his forehead.

-o-o-o-

Sharpay grasped Ryan by the shoulder and spun him around, her face livid and disgusted.

"Ryan, what was THAT?" she screeched.

"What was what?" Ryan replied placidly. He looked at Sharpay in earnest interest, as if they were playing a guessing game. His baby blue eyes blinked several times, over that ridiculous, innocent smile.

"What was _THAT?!_"Sharpay shrieked, motioning toward the hallway where Troy and Jason stood. Ryan's gaze followed his sister's hand.

After studying the subject intently, he replied with "the door?" Sharpay growled in frustration.

"No, no! Not that. THAT!" And she pointed more clearly out the window at the two jocks.

"…The window?" came Ryan's confused reply. Sharpay dropped her arm and stared at Ryan through incredulous eyes.

"NO!" she screamed. "I'M TALKING ABOUT—"

"Wait, don't tell me!" Ryan said urgently. "I know it, I swear! Is it the hallway?" He took Sharpay's silent gape as a 'no'. "The doorframe? The ceiling! The floor? The water fountain? The fire alarm! The… the…"

**"NO!!"** Sharpay was pretty sure she ripped one of her vocal cords that time. "_IF_ YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, YOU JUST HIT ON JASON!"

Ryan's jaw dropped and he gaped at his sister, as did the rest of the class.

"Oh my god, I did?" he gasped. Sharpay nodded, thankful that Ryan had finally clued in. "Did I hurt him?" he added anxiously.

Sharpay let out a miserable groan and slapped her forehead, as the rest of the class laughed.

-o-o-o-

Toting her lunch tray and happily skipping along her way, the ever-cheerful Gabriella Montez hurried to meet her friends at their table. She spotted them and skipped over, opening her mouth to greet her two pals.

"Hey—" Two hands were thrust in front of her face.

"Save it, Skippy. We're not in the mood," came Sharpay's bitter response.

Slightly deflated, Gabriella took her seat between Sharpay and Troy. "What's wrong guys?"

"Jason,"

"Ryan," the two answered in unison. The both grumbled and rolled their eyes. Gabriella looked lost.

"Care to elaborate?" she asked.

"Well," Sharpay started, "Ryan likes Jason,"

"And Jason likes him back," Troy finished. Gabriella nodded slowly, biting into her sandwich.

"Okay… so, what's the problem?"

"They're too dumb to realize it!" the two exclaimed. To their great annoyance, Gabriella let out one of those giggles. Y'know, the Shirley Temple kind of giggles that just get under your skin and make you want to cleave the person's head off.

"Oh you silly gooses!" she replied merrily. "That's just the way boys are! They can't tell love if it bites them on the… you-know-what!" Gabriella giggled again and pointed to her butt. Troy and Sharpay started at her like she was an alien.

"We're not talking insensitive, or out of tune with their emotions," Sharpay said. "We're talking completely and totally one-hundred-percent _dumb_." Troy nodded, but Gabriella would not give up so easily.

"They can't be _that_ dense," she supplied brightly.

Troy shook his head. "You have no idea," he said.

"Well…" Gabriella said, lowering her voice. Sharpay and Troy leaned in to listen. "I know one place that will get _anyone_ to realize their love for each other."

"WHERE?!" Troy and Sharpay blurted out. Gabriella didn't answer, but she pointed a finger above her head. Sharpay seemed to have caught on, but Troy was still stumped.

"The ceiling?" he asked. Gabriella shook her head.

"Higher," she said. Troy's thoughts flew into the sky and his eyes widened.

"You're gonna fly them to Hawaii?!"

"What?!" Gabriella shrieked. "No! I'm talking about the rooftop garden you dunderhead!" she said disbelievingly. Realization dawned on Troy's face.

"Ohhh!" he said. "Good one!" With steely determination, Troy stood. "Well then, I must see to it that they get to the rooftop garden!" he proclaimed. With a curt nod to the girls, Troy spun around and marched away. Gabriella turned to look at Sharpay.

"Are _all_ of them this dumb?!" she cried. Sharpay shrugged.

"It must be contagious."

-o-o-o-

Ryan was at his locker, ready to stow his books away and enjoy free period. As his locker door swung open, something fluttered in front of Ryan's face.

"AAHHH!" he screamed. "KILLER BUTTERFLIES!" The blond dashed away from his locker and darted behind a recycling bin. His breathing was deep and rapid, his heart racing a mile a minute. Poking his head from around the waste receptacle, Ryan tugged on the pant leg of an unsuspecting student on her way to Home Ec.

"Are they gone?" he whispered anxiously. The girl raised an eyebrow at the terrified Evans.

"Are what gone?" she asked dubiously.

"The butterflies!" Ryan exclaimed. "They're out to get me!" The girl took a few steps away from Ryan, an odd expression on her face. Not answering Ryan's question, she hurried away to her class. Ryan frowned.

"You can't get a straight answer out of anyone these days!" he grumbled in annoyance. He stretched his head around the recycling bin, sighing when he saw his locker was butterfly free. Relief washed over him as he stood and dusted off his pants. Walking back to his locker, he noticed a folded piece of paper lying on the ground. Casting a suspicious look left, then right, he furtively snatched up the paper. He unfolded it and leaned in close to read it.

_Dear Ryan,_

_I really, really like you. Can you meet me on the rooftop garden?_

_Your secret admirer,_

_Jason_

Ryan blinked as he held the note, standing stock still. How… how could this happen? And why to him, of all people? He crumpled the note up angrily.

"Curses! I have _no idea_ where the rooftop garden is!"

-o-o-o-

Desperate and disheartened, Jason drifted down the hallways of East High. Would no one help him? He spotted another teacher and ran up to her.

"Excuse me, teacher!" he cried. "Can you _please_ tell me where the rooftop garden is?" His deep brown eyes were wide and pleading.

"My dear," the teacher replied sadly. "One would think it would be on the roof."

Jason gasped. "Oh! Oh that's a good one!" He said, a smile spreading across his face. "Gee Miss, you sure are smart!"

"Well, I _am_ a teacher after all," the teacher laughed. She patted Jason on the shoulder and walked away. Jason looked admiringly at her until she disappeared. It was then that another problem occurred.

"Hey Miss, WAIT! Where's the roof?!"

-o-o-o-

Ryan was beginning to think it was hopeless when he spotted someone else standing at the end of the hall. _Oh please don't run away from me like the others did!_ Ryan thought desperately, sprinting toward the boy. The boy turned around, revealing himself to be Jason, and his face turned from disillusioned to overjoyed.

"Oh _Ryan!"_ Jason cried happily. "I'm so happy I found you!" Ryan came to a halt and frowned.

"Hey! Wait, no fair! I found you first!" He pouted. "How can you say _you_ found _me_ when you were just standing here like an idiot?!"

Jason shut his eyes and shook his head. "Please Ryan, that's way too many questions at once! And I'm still trying to figure out my own question." Ryan's indignation melted away to sympathy, and he patted Jason on the arm.

"I'm sorry, Jason," he said. "I had no idea you had a problem too."

Jason gasped. "You have one too?" he cried happily. "Oh yay! This is perfect! We can start our own 'Problem Club' or something!" Ryan seemed to like that idea a lot.

"Yeah! That's an awesome idea!" he said. "And we could meet on the rooftop garden every Tuesday!" Then he gasped "THE ROOFTOP GARDEN! DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?" he shrieked. Jason's eyes lit up.

"Yeah! It's on the roof!" There was a moment of silence before Jason asked "…do you have any idea where the roof is?" Ryan shook his head.

"Not a clue," he said sadly. Heaving a great sigh, the two started walking down the hall. They walked in silence for a good while, their feet sounding a steady rhythm against the linoleum floor. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ryan giggled. Jason turned to look at him.

"What?" he asked. Ryan grinned madly.

"I have a secret admirer," he said breathlessly. "And you'll never guess who it is!"

Jason gasped. "No way! I have one too!" He and Ryan shared a wide smile… and then went back to walking in silence. It was some few minutes later until the silence was broken again.

"It's Jason!"

"It's Ryan!" the two exclaimed at the same time. They both jerked away from each other, their faces showing a mixture of shock and confusion. "It's _YOU!_" The boys stood staring at each from opposite sides of the hallway.

"Oh my god…" Ryan said breathed. "I like someone… and he's_ gay!_"

"Me too!" Jason said, sounding just as disgusted. They stayed plastered to the walls across from each other, afraid the other might bite their head off.

Ryan didn't dare move. Suddenly, a voice in his head said something.

_Go on! Kiss the boy!_ Ryan's eyes went wide.

"Sebastian?!"

"You heard him too?" Jason squealed. Ryan nodded. The two stared at each other in silence some more, before Jason spoke up again. "Think I should?"

"Well…" Ryan said thoughtfully. "It worked for the Little Mermaid… sure, why not?" Jason shrugged and walked over to Ryan. He paused for only a moment before pinning the blond to the wall and full-on French kissing him.

Ryan moaned into Jason's mouth, caressing the boy's burly figure through his shirt. Jason ran his hands through Ryan's silky soft hair, pushing off his periwinkle pinstriped newsboy cap. That crab really knew what he was talking about! Kissing Ryan was the smartest thing Jason had done all day!

…and his whole life!

He pressed his body closer to Ryan's, wanting to touch as much of Ryan's body as he could. Suddenly, Ryan felt something hard brush against his crotch. He gasped and pulled away.

"Jason!" he gasped. "Is that what I think it is?"

Jason gave him a mischievous grin and nodded. "I think so." Ryan's eyes widened when Jason reached into his pants and pulled out—

"A jumbo tube of Mini M&M's!" Ryan cried out jubilantly. "Can I have some?!" Jason smiled.

"Of course you can!" He popped the lid off and poured a small pile into Ryan's eager hands. Ryan smiled.

"Keep this up, and maybe I wont mind so much that you're gay."

_Meanwhile on the rooftop garden…_

"Where the hell are those two nincompoops?" Sharpay hissed. "We've been waiting here all day!"

"Hey, quit complaining," Troy grumbled. "It was your idea to stake out up here!"

"Yeah, 'cause I didn't want them falling off the roof or something!" Sharpay pointed out. From between them, Gabriella let out an aggravated sigh.

"Will you two STOP bitching already?" Troy and Sharpay gasped.

"Oh my god!" Troy squealed.

"Say it isn't so!" Sharpay squawked. "Gabriella just _swore!_" She and Troy shared a terrified look. Then they both looked to Gabriella.

"What?" she asked, getting a bit nervous.

"Sharpay, do you know what this means?" Troy asked, terrified.

"I think I do, Troy." The blonde replied, equally scared.

"GABRIELLA'S POSSESSED!" they both shrieked. Gabriella's eyes widened as she was lifted from the ground by the other two.

"ACK! Where are you taking me?" she screamed.

"We're taking to you to the church," Troy said, holding up Gabriella's arms.

"So you can be exorcised," Sharpay finished, bringing up Gabriella's legs. Gabriella eyed the two with horror.

"Oh god…" she muttered. "It really is contagious…"

_**The End!

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So ends another completely random oneshot. I hope you all enjoyed it!

I've made a promise to myself to stop bashing Gabriella in my chaptered fics, but in oneshots she's totally fair game! She's just a really fun character to make fun of, don't you think?

Reviews would be absolutely lovely. Be as brutal as you want, I'm always open to critisicm (as long as it's contructive). Thanks so much for reading!

Oh, and a fun fact: as a child, i was deathly afraid of butterflies. Ignoring this, my parents took me to a butterfly sanctuary when i was 6. It was trauamtizing... they don't scare me as much anymore, although i might flip if they catch me off guard... stop laughing...

-tryanforever91


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